ST. LOUIS -- At the MLS SuperDraft these days, one always recalls Hugh Laurie's devilishly witty Golden Globes acceptance speech from a couple of years ago. The star of TV's House remarked about how everyone heralds their "magnificent crew." But logically, he noted, that simply cannot be the case. "Somebody, somewhere is working with a crew of drunken thieves."
So it is with the MLS draft. Not the drunken thieves part. Rather, the part about where claims of achievement collide with the realm of improbability.
See, every club official will always insist that they are leaving the draft with the very individuals they were hoping to secure all along. Most often repeated phrase: "We got the guys we wanted!"
Now I suppose it is technically possible that 15 clubs can do such a thing, since different teams have different needs. Still, it's highly, highly implausible.
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• Zakuani on Seattle
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• Zakuani taken at No. 1
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And besides, even if every club managed to tie up exactly who they wanted, they were really just guessing anyway.
With all that as a background, should we really be surprised about any of the "surprises" that unfold annually? Look at the this year's draft:
Should we be surprised that Seattle actually kept that No. 1 pick, even after rampant speculation that Sigi Schmid would wheel and deal away the top choice of this year's proceedings?
Should we attach some bewilderment to the fact that goalkeeper Stefan Frei, thought to be perhaps the most MLS-ready product at the draft, was still around for Toronto to take at No. 13? (Toronto was certainly a bit surprised, judging by the hardy back slapping and general joy-ness going around the TFC table when they managed to snag Frei at that spot.)
Should we be at least mildly astounded that Michael Lahoud's impressive play at the recent combine didn't elevate him into Top 5 status, as some suspected, or that Baggio Husidic slipped all the way to No. 20?
On the other hand, we definitely should be surprised that Daniel Cruz fell well into the third round. Cruz was easily the last of nine Generation adidas players selected. Since their compensation doesn't count against the salary cap, those guys are usually gold at the draft. Seven of the nine were gone by the 13th pick. Yet Cruz, who languished at the combine by most accounts, heard 40 names called before Houston finally selected him. Cruz, in fact, didn't even attend the draft.
Maybe we should register some mild dismay that a draft supposedly so deep in defenders unfolded initially in favor of goal-scorers. Three of the first five players taken were forwards. In fact, after Los Angeles took Maryland's Omar Gonzalez at No. 3, no defender heard his name called until No. 8.
We probably shouldn't even be surprised that an anonymous midfielder from Campbell University, Richard Jata, a long shot at No. 58 overall, had the audience in stitches with a clever, giddy performance at the podium.
So, that's how it went in St. Louis, where it was so numbingly cold a local TV weatherman was hammering nails with a frozen banana. And they say low-tech is dead.
"We all walk out of here feeling great about who we took," Real Salt Lake general manager Garth Lagerwey said. "But how will we feel about them in early February, when they've been out on the field a few days? That's the question."
This year's draft did unfold with a little bit more predictability than last year's somewhat erratic proceedings. That doesn't mean it was "predicable." Not by any stretch. It just played out with fewer jaw-droppers than other drafts.
It was still a fluid process, with needs shifting for some teams in the 24 hours before Commissioner Don Garber assumed the podium to launch the big day. Los Angeles collected Mike Magee and Dema Kovalenko through trades in the pre-draft run-up, which surely altered the way manager Bruce Arena and assistant Dave Sarachan viewed the draft. With the midfield a bit more stabilized, they could feel better about selecting Gonzalez for help along the back line.
FC Dallas acquired Dave van den Bergh from New York, and then followed up by signing defender Steve Purdy on the eve of the draft. To get van den Bergh, the Hoops had to give up Dominic Oduro, who was third on the depth chart among forwards. That meant Dallas needed to look for a striker with its first pick.
Sounders manager Sigi Schmid made Steve Zakuani the latest name on the honor roll of overall No. 1 league selections. The prolific University of Akron striker will hope to join Freddie Ljungberg in energizing all those season ticket holders (18,000-plus and counting) at Qwest Field this year.
That Zakuani would be the guy was hardly a forgone conclusion. First, there was the matter of whether Seattle would even keep the pick or deal it away. As one coach said hours before the draft, "There's definitely a For Sale sign hanging on that one."
And why not? Without a clear consensus No. 1, would it make more sense for Seattle to pick up another first-round selection, even if it's lower in the order?
Even if you assumed Seattle would keep the pick, Zakuani was hardly as no-brainer as the opening selection. As late as two hours before the draft, Schmid was still considering at least two other options, including O'Brian White, who went to Toronto at the No. 4 overall pick.
Speaking of Toronto, the man they call "Trader Mo," a cheeky reference to TFC director of soccer Mo Johnston, was hard at it. The Reds came to St. Louis holding picks Nos. 2 and 4, but Johnton was jonesing to improve the lot any way possible. (Although, given his reputation and general inclination to shuffle the draft deck at every opportunity, he probably just desired that No. 1 pick so he could trade it for something else.)
In the end, TFC officials held fast. In fact, there was no draft-day shuffling of places in the first round.
A tactic employed infrequently in the past was introduced more prominently this year. Duke's Mike Grella and Wake Forest's Marcus Tracy would have been first-round contenders, but both opted to pursue soccer overseas.
That doesn't mean MLS teams can't select them. Plenty of teams had the same idea going into Thursday: select one of them on the chance that soccer in Europe doesn't work out as planned. (Teams retain their rights for 12 months.) It's not a bad play at all. If either one chooses to come back in a year's time, they've landed a great prospect with an absurdly low pick. The trick, of course, is properly assessing the value of the ploy. Pick too early and, realistically, it's a wasted draft choice. Wait too late, and somebody else has surely beaten you to the punch.
So Toronto took Grella early in the third round, No. 34 overall. Houston took Tracy with the 56th overall pick, late in the fourth round.
Something similar goes on with other players who have some limits or liabilities. Look at Maryland center back A.J. Delagarza. He's a good looking defender, quick and very composed on the ball. But is his slight frame (5-8, 140) going to hold up at the next level? Maybe it was too much of a stretch in the first round. But Los Angeles decided it wasn't too much of a stretch for the second round, and took him with at 19th overall.
Was he their guy all along? Sure he was. Remember, at the draft, everybody walks happily away with exactly who they wanted.
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